Weekend to Myself

The kids are gone to their other parent's houses. Mary took a weekend religious retreat with Friends, which left me alone to my own devices.

It isn't often that I have so much free time to myself. I remember solitude from my single days, but with a family now that has 5 kids, a beautiful wife, and all of the circle of friends, coworkers, and relations, I really don't get large chunks of alone time. So what did I do?

I watched a few movies that a friend loaned me at work. I took long bath. I went shopping up at the Asian food store, I washed dishes, I finished the book I was reading. I slept in. I stayed up late. I did whatever struck me as interesting at the time. I went to meeting today. I went to Whole Foods to get some Dr. Bronner's Soap and took my time shopping for other stuff, and just checking out the rest of the store, not worrying about how long it takes.

I also have taken some time to just meditate.

What I've learned recently in meditation - I often reflect on my relationship with Kyle, as that is the point of most of my Samsara (suffering) lately. So I have been trying to come to terms with what Kyle is choosing in his life, mainly to distance himself from me and my family here. He choses to spend his time with his mother's family. Anyway, the suffering I've been enduring, while painful, hasn't killed me. So I meditate on it, and try to figure out what to do. Asking the Universe of an answer has brought me this: Letting Kyle go to do what he needs to be happy. Holding Kyle too tightly is the sure way to have him not want to stay. I found this in a meditation site that I view on occasion.

The Difference between Love and Attachment
Tenzin Palmo told a story about her mother's love
as an example of a love that does not bind.

"When I was 19 years old, I wanted to go to India to find a spiritual teacher.
Finally, I got an invitation letter.
I remember running along the road to meet my mother
as she was coming from work and saying to her 'I'm going to India!'

And she replied 'Oh yes dear, when are you leaving?'
Because she loved me, she was happy for me to leave her."

She went on to explain the moral of the story.
"We mistake love and attachment.
We think they are the same thing, but actually, they are opposites.
Love is 'I want you to be happy.'
Attachment is 'I want you to make me happy."'...

Something like that is what I'm hoping to give to Kyle. I love him dearly, but will let him go, to let him be happy.

Today's Meeting concentrated on this attachment theme, even though it isn't really a Quaker teaching. So it was interesting to hear their take on it.